St. Francis de Sales and Friendships

St. Francis de Sales once said, in his writing of Philothea, “friendship is the most dangerous of all love, because other affections may exist without mutual communications…” (p. 166). There are friendships that exist today which are based on merely assumption and very little communication. As described in Philothea, good and bad friendships may be compared to honey and flowers. A beautiful flower with delicious honey is equal to a healthy friendship, where a poisonous flower has bad honey and is an unhealthy friendship. St. Francis describes these relationships as flirtations. Without true, honest communication, and desire of a chaste friendship, there is no friendship at all.

A healthy friendship is one of “…charity, devotion, and Christian perfection…” (p.172). Good people who desire to make the opposite sex a better person would follow these guidelines: (1) caring for another’s well-being and (2) ensuring that they get into heaven is key for a healthy friendship. St. Francis talks about flirting that is fine only when there is the intention of marriage between the two persons. These flirtations are of purity, such as holding hands and showing facial expressions of affection, and nothing more. The flower and honey St. Francis speaks of was once good and held characteristics, which it no longer possesses. The flower was healthy and produced excellent honey for all to enjoy, this is how a true friendship should be.

Friendships, which are unhealthy, are ones of lust filled with selfishness of their own feelings and pleasures. People in these friendships do not take in account anyone else’s concerns or needs. They do not care if they have true love, all that matters is they have someone in the moment with them. These people have nothing but lust and sin in their lives and make no attempt to go in the direction of God. There is no care for another’s well-being or leading a sacred life, it is a life of sadness and loneliness. This life is the life of the poisonous flower, which produces bad honey, honey that cannot be benefited by anyone.

True, healthy friendships are examples of discipleship. The disciples led lives of holiness, following Jesus and proclaiming his word. If it were not for doing their best in leading a chaste life, they most likely would not have had healthy friendships among each other. Today we have the guidelines of healthy and unhealthy friendships because of Jesus’ disciple’s example. If we follow the bad examples we will end up as unhappy people sinning for the rest of our lives. However if we choose to lead a life of holiness, following Christ’s example, we will end up happy forever in heaven for all eternity.